Pip's Bad Ideas

My bad ideas posted in blog format.Enjoy, or don't.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Return of: Twitter Twailbag Twednesday

A few things. I know this was weak compared to past TTT's. But that's ok. I love Storify, and if you want to cheat and read these a day early, they'll be posted there. I'll make sure there will be a few Pip Hits next week.

And as always, if you see a tweet for me, pass it on. Tips are always welcome!

Thanks for reading,
Your favorite lazy blogger,

PS - Blogger and Emoji apparently are not the best of friends. 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Unsolicited Advice Saturday: Blogging Part 1: Timing

Yes, I've decided to turn my lack of wisdom and experience in this world into an Advice Column. Do not email me with questions, that would ruin the gag.

Today we'll talk about Blogging. And more specifically timing.

Don't worry about the timing of your blog post. Everything comes back around again. 

Want to write a movie review? Good, do it. Who cares that the movie isn't in Theaters anymore, it will be out on DVD soon enough and the hype machine will give your post the boost you seek.  And even if you are writing a review for Ishtar, just write it! Sooner or later there'll be an annyversarry thing or Warren Beatty will die. Is it a Book? It'll come out in paperback or they'll make a TV show from it. A video game? They'll make a sequel. Write it up and hit submit!

Maybe you think it's a very topical news/science thing? Guess what? That stuff is cyclical too. If a politician said something stupid, I can guarantee they he'll say something stupid again or run for re-election soon enough. Is it a big discovery? They'll either have it debunked in a year or there will be a follow up that's even better. Did Warren Beatty actually die but you waited a month to write about it? Title your post "I still miss Warren Beatty". Write up your piece and hit submit!

Or possibly you are sad because you missed all sorts of cool 4th of July stuff. There will be one next year! Gather up all that cool stuff you see today, tomorrow, and next week. Collect it into a post and schedule it to post July 4th, 2015. You'll look like a damn hero! Do that for every holiday and you'll be making a name for yourself in no time. Write it up, and Queue it up!

I know what you are thinking, "Hey asshole, you haven't posted jack shit in nearly a year!" And yes, that's true. And further I haven't followed half the advice listed here. But that's the point, it's my damn blog and I'll do as wish.  This is solid advice, follow it or not. Same goes to me: This is solid advice that I'd be wise to follow. But you know advice here I did follow? I wrote it up and hit publish.

Thanks for reading,
Your Favorite Advice Columnist,

PS- For example, I have a blog in queue for next July 1st, Canada Day. It contains more extra U's than a person could possibly conceive of.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

KBTuesday: Fishbowl

In belated honor of Rhode Island decriminalizing pot, I'll tell the Fishbowl story:

I was at store 1165 when a female associate from a local college approaches a high school aged associate and asked him if he was smoking pot in the backroom. He said no, and did not believe that the backroom reeked of it. So they went to investigate. They decided that they needed to tell me because if I found out I would blame them, and for once they were innocent.

She comes over to me and tells the backroom smells like marijuana. And of course I get angry. I go into the backroom and it's a fucking fishbowl! I call mall security. They come down half hour later and see that yes it does appear that someone has been getting high. They check the store next to ours. The card store whose manager on duty was a good friend of mine. They figure out that one of her idiot associates smoked a ton in their bathroom and it vented into my back room. She begs and pleads for the cops to not get called and we all just deal while fans get turned on and the shit clears.

A few minutes later, one of my wise-ass associates has found a Led Zepplin CD lying around and put it on the back room. Turning my damn backroom into a fucking frathouse.

Thanks for reading,
Your favorite former manager of assholes,

PS- I have no idea how many stories are left in this well.

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Song that Never Ends

Music Monday:

I'm sorry, did I hear you ask for the 10hr version of the song that never ends? Well good, because I found it for you!

Be sure to sing this song at school/work all day today! Make sure everyone who sees you gets this song  stuck in there heads!

Go forth and annoy!
Yer Old Pal,

Friday, September 13, 2013

Fuck Mobile

I HATE MOBILE. If you are developing a website, do not make a mobile version of your site. Do not make an app of your site.  They will suck. And I will hate you.

I upgraded to my iPhone 5 in October. Prior to that I was using Facebook's desktop site on my iPhone 3gs' crappy safari browser. The same was true for Tumblr as well. And in fact the current version of Tumblr desktop, the one where they ruined how you actually post to Tumblr? Well when you use the desktop version on your phone, the horrible overlay does not work, so it allows you to post like you used to.  So if you hate the overlay posting on Tumblr, just use your phone.

Remember the big deal about sharing on Facebook and how mobile just got sharing? Well I've had it! I never lost it! Their app is crap! (All apps are crap, if the app is just a damn website!) And their mobile site is terrible to!

Now twitter is an exception. No I am not about say nice things about their app or mobile site. They won't let me use their desktop version of their site on my phone. There is no option, no choice.  This pads their stats and makes them look like the kings of App Development  No, they aren't, they cheat.  And on top of cheating their website is horrible and no one uses it.

Wikipedia is the best and easiest example. Go use their app, their mobile site, and then the desktop version (on your phone) and tell me which ones is best.

The main reason why apps and mobile suck? ZOOM! On my phone I can zoom. But most app and mobile developers remove this feature. So if you want to zoom, use their desktop version.

The main reason that these horrible overlay posting systems are becoming the thing is to force people to use the mobile/App version of websites on their phone. It is nothing but a scam.

Things will get worse before they better, but as phones get more powerful and become an even bigger share of the internet, more people will see the light and you will see the end of mobile sites. I just have to hang on and not throw my phone into a brick wall before that time. Their death is inevitable, just not imminent.

Thanks for reading,
Your favorite Mobile hating Blogger,

PS- I also hate that my damn phone detects a desktop link and switches it to mobile, yet my desktop browser cannot detect a fucking mobile link and switch it to desktop! Suck fucking bullshit. If mobile sites did not exist, AND THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR MOBILE SITES TO EXIST, this would never bet a problem.

fuck mobile

Thursday, September 12, 2013


This video of a woman co-signing at the Wu-Tang concert at Bonnaroo recently went viral. I have experience with this, so enjoy.

For those that are unfamiliar with American Sign Language and deaf culture, co-signing is something you've seen before.  It is the act of live translation of English into ASL.  It is not easy, and it is amazing to watch.  The girl in this video is doing exactly that, except she has the advantage of knowing the song ahead of time.  My two stories involve the exact opposite situation.

For a brief time of utter failure I attended RIT, which shares it's campus with the NTID.  Part of my failure was never learning sign language, but this is not about that.  I did however experience two very funny co-signing incidents, both at concerts.

The first was at a show for the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.  If you've listened to them at all you know they are a very loud band that likes to scream occasionally, and Dickie, like most bands of the generation was not a very articulate singer.   A friend of mine had a class the next week which had an interpreter attached to it, because it had a deaf student in the class.  The interpreter that day happened to be the one from the show.  My friend asked him about it after class and he said he meets with the bands before hand to get an idea and if possible a lyric sheet from the set list.  At the meeting Dickie said that half the time he can't even remember the words. Knowing The Bosstones like I do, I was not surprised by this.

The second incident involved They Might Be Giants.  They have a certain song that their fans refuse to let them skip playing.  Istanbul.  The key fact to this story is that both the names Istanbul and Constantinople were finger spelled.  The interpreter spelled out each name letter by letter.  To this day I feel bad for that poor poor woman.

They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) from They Might Be Giants on Vimeo.

So be kind to ASL co-signers, they have a really difficult job.

Thanks for reading,
Your terribly ashamed at how dumb he was for not learning sign language when it was easy as hell to do so blogger,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

MDI: Twitter for the Verbose


The internet needs a Twitter for the Verbose! 

I don't have a name yet, maybe Monology, maybe Dickensist, EssayR, MonologueR, who knows.  The concept is an Anti-Twitter. Instead of a max number of characters, I want a minimum number of words.  No posts allowed under 500 words. No replies allowed under 100 words! There will be none of that link shortening nonsense.  No picture only posts, no video only posts, I might even say no mobile! Oh I am pumped for this idea, who got that sweet VC cash for me?

Or wants to help me start the kickstarter for this?  You want to know about profit and ads? EASY! It's costs $5/yr to sign up.  Boom. Trust me on this. I'll add mobile access for another $1/yr. Think I won't be able to raise several million that way, fine. Another $1/yr for "No bullshit". So when I start doing shady shit like adding ads or selling your data, you got an automatic opt out.  Wait I can do better. How about a $0.10 tax per word you fall short of the minimum? Are you seeing me swimming in piles of cash like Scrooge McDuck? Because I can!

You know you want this site. You know the internet needs this site. It will single-handedly save journalism. (it won't, but that sure sounds a like a great sales pitch!)

This rant is out of steam and I did not count the words, but man we have got to make this happen!

Thanks for reading,
your favorite rambling lunatic blogger,
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